


new beginning

by AimiTachibanana



Series: comfort mini-fest 2020 [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First War with Voldemort, Fluff, Getting Together, Hogwarts Era, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, Oblivious Remus Lupin, Sirius Black Angst, Swotty Potter's Wolfstar Comfort Mini-fest 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26697448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AimiTachibanana/pseuds/AimiTachibanana
Summary: As much as he wanted to say something along the lines of 'don't worry' or ‘it’ll be alright’, to hopefully appease Sirius’ worries in any way, he knew he’d be lying. Remus could only laugh bitterly. “It’s usually the uncertainty we fear when thinking about the future, but in our case, I feel it’s more comforting not to know.”“Yeah, otherwise it’s just finding out how you die, basically.”Sirius really has a talent for putting things crudely, which is almost laughable when thinking about someone of his background.or: the marauders are graduating and they try to think of a future in the middle of the war... but mostly, wolfstar
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: comfort mini-fest 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1943653
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	new beginning

**Author's Note:**

> for [swottypotter's](https://swottypotter.tumblr.com/post/629234611440025600/hello-friends-this-is-a-bit-last-minute-but-i-am) comfort mini-fest on tumblr!  
> 9/28 prompt: new beginning  
> (as you can see, im running out of creativity for my title lmaoo)

“What’d you lads reckon about to happen now?”

Sirius was first to break the silence. As usual.

Remus doubts he does it to intentionally disrupt the peacefulness, but rather a habit from Sirius’ subconscious drive to avoid dwelling in his own messy thoughts. He forgives it, but it doesn’t exactly stop being so irksome especially when he simply wanted to spend his last afternoon at Hogwarts sharing comfortable silence, feeling the fresh breeze and taking in the view of the castle in his few remaining hours left as a student. He settled for the former for now as he left his eyes shut.

“You know me. My plans largely revolve around Lily.” James piped up.

He hears Sirius fake a gagging noise. 

“Piss off, Pads!” A rucksack was thrown and landed harshly against the ground near Remus, who presumed was originally aimed for Sirius right next to him. It was then when Remus felt the strong regret of sitting in the middle.

Yup, there goes his last chance of holding on to the prospect of having a quiet afternoon. He really should’ve known better than to expect otherwise after agreeing to hang out with his rowdy roommates who were unfortunately allergic to anything remotely serene.

That being said, it wasn’t like he didn’t deeply treasure moments like this with them— _they just didn’t need to know that._

“It’s not like we’re getting married…” James’ voice was defensive but soft, the lack of conviction a bit too apparent in Remus’ opinion. 

“Maybe not yet.” Peter chimed in.

If Remus could roll his eyes, he would right now. Peter always sucked-up to people, and _especially_ to James. He reckons it’s better than any other insufferable git out there that’s much worse, so they just let it be.

“Maybe not yet.” James repeated. Remus could practically hear the grin in his voice. Nothing is too soon for James Potter, so Remus didn’t even bother contradicting this.

Sirius huffed beside him. It was one of those that usually accompanied the rolling of his eyes. Remus could already picture it out and felt amused by this undoubtedly accurate visualisation.

“Sure, sure…” Sirius said flatly. “And I’m guessing Wormtail still doesn’t have any plans on moving out of his mum’s house any time soon?”

Peter stuttered for a second. “Er, yeah. Like I told you guys, s-she says she needs me there.”

That wasn’t the first time he explained it to them, but for some reason he always seems so jittery whenever he talks about it. Remus remembered he used to sound exactly like that. Way back during first year, when he kept feeding them various lies each month. But then again, maybe Peter’s just jittery. He’s increasingly become more rat-like after all.

“And no pressure, Pete.” James said as Remus heard shuffling, probably James putting his arm around the smaller boy’s shoulder. “We’re going to go flat-hunting next week, you see.”

The conversation seemed to end right then, but of course, one should never underestimate Sirius Black’s persistence.

“I’m planning to join the Order.”

Tension rose and the peaceful atmosphere quickly shifted into one of uneasiness. Remus could tell their tiny bubble of hope for a normal future, of their combined efforts in eluding from any topic about the war thus far was shattered with one single statement, and he’s sure that’s exactly what Sirius intended. The reasons… he wasn’t certain. Sirius is, after all, unpredictable if not stubborn.

They were all silent until James finally mustered enough courage to respond (some Gryffindors they were). “Yeah. We’re with you, Padfoot, you know that. I’m sure they’ve already got a use for fresh graduates like us there…” 

With everything going on, Remus knew James was right. 

Now that only the whistling of the strong breeze could be heard, suddenly Remus preferred their mindless ramblings. Suddenly, he understood Sirius’ need to fill the silence. He always knew why. This time just feels different, deeper.

Once again, James breaks the quietness of the air. And this time, Remus was thankful for it. “I doubt things will be much different in our new place. Just Peter being gone most of the time, but that’s all, innit?”

_Ever the optimist, James_ … Remus mused.

“What, you mean Moony already agreed?” Peter asked.

James makes a noncommittal noise that would be the equivalent to a shrug, “Padfoot and I are _very_ persuasive, Wormy. There’s literally no escaping from us. Even your mum.”

Peter’s laugh was abrupt.

“Right, I don’t know about the rest of you lot, but I’m famished.” James said as Remus heard him getting to his feet and brushing dirt off his robes.

“That’s ‘cause you did laps around the Great Lake, you old sod.” said Sirius.

“Singular, Padfoot. _A_ Lap.”

Then there was that familiar huff from Sirius again. “Thought you wanted to spend the last day peacefully? Why’re you sneaking to the kitchens before the feast then?” 

“You sound like Moony.” came Peter’s voice which almost made Remus snap his eyes open.

He heard James cackle. “This afternoon is peaceful enough. Besides, I can tell you’re quite preoccupied.”

That part, Remus doesn’t understand. Sirius was fairly engaging in their topic the entire time. He was rather pressing deeper topics, in fact. 

Sirius' momentary silence however, was anything but suspicious for Remus.

“How about you, Moony? You going with them?” Sirius asked, almost in a murmur.

Before he could even react, James’ distant voice spoke, “Are you quite sure he wasn’t asleep the whole time? He literally looks like a corpse.”

Remus was about to ask how James managed to even make out Sirius’ question directed at him, but when he finally opened his eyes, he saw all three of them staring down at him.

“I’ve been a walking corpse since I was dragged out here.” he spoke for the first time since lying down by the tree. 

James let out a loud scoff. “Please. You act as if you don’t enjoy spending time with your favourite brand of handsome misfits.”

_Ugh. There it was._

“You coming, Remus?” Peter asked, albeit with a grin.

“Thanks but I’d rather spend the rest of my afternoon in peace. Go enjoy yourselves.”

“Suit yourself, mate.” James said. “Though it’ll be quite the challenge especially if you’re with Padfoot.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes and reached for his wand but Remus sat up and gave him a look, gesturing to the grasped item, as if daring Sirius on his watch. Sure enough, Sirius sat back down but flipped his two fingers at a snickering James already at a larger distance.

“Thanks for keeping our mutt in check, Remus!” James shouted.

Remus rolled his eyes. “By all means, Prongs, let the whole school know.” 

“I will!”

“Prat.” muttered Sirius beside him.

Remus scanned his features under the shade of the huge tree before sighing, “What’s got your wand in a knot?”

At Sirius questioning look, Remus raises his eyebrows. “I wasn’t sleeping, you know.” He leaned back, crossing his arms behind his head. 

“I know.” Sirius said a bit too defensively before catching himself, “You’re right next to me, I can tell.”

“How?” Remus said, laughing slightly. He doesn’t remember moving at all, or how James put it, _he even looked like a corpse_ … Remus turned to face his friend, curious why he still hadn’t answered. 

“You were smiling once in a while.” Sirius said.

“Oh.” Remus wasn’t sure how to feel about that. “Well, anyway, you sound troubled…” 

He watched creases form on Sirius’ forehead. “I am.”

As much as he wanted to say something along the lines of _'_ _don't worry' or_ ‘it’ll be alright’, to hopefully appease Sirius’ worries in any way, he knew he’d be lying. Remus could only laugh bitterly. “It’s usually the uncertainty we fear when thinking about the future, but in our case, I feel it’s more comforting not to know.”

“Yeah, otherwise it’s just finding out how you die, basically.”

Sirius really has a talent for putting things crudely, which is almost laughable when thinking about someone of his background.

But Sirius wasn’t done, “I’d much prefer it not by the hands of my brother at least.” 

At this, Remus turned his head sharply back to him. "Don’t—”

“What’s the point, Remus?” Sirius’ voice was suddenly louder. “It’s only going to take so little for James to snap, I know it. He always avoids it, the war. With my name blasted off the wall, from my family _full of Death Eaters,_ it’s like I purposely placed a bounty on myself.” Sirius heaved a sigh. “And it’s not like you lot are exactly secretive about which side you stand.”

He appreciates the sentiment. Truthfully, _his lot_ aren’t even privileged enough to be presented with choices, but he didn’t need to bring that up.

“It’s all bullshit.” Sirius spoke much softer this time as he ruffled his hair before fixing it. “Pretending everything’s normal, like we can play happy family as friends sharing a flat.”

Without thinking, Remus reached out to grasp Sirius’ wrist, lowering it down so he would stop fiddling. “It’s not pretending. It’s having courage.” He said with a steady gaze. “We’re all scared, Sirius, it’s just a matter of how we choose to get through it now.”

Sirius continued to stare, as if all his answers could be found in Remus’ eyes. And honestly, Remus wished the same.

Remus wasn’t even aware his thumb had been rubbing soothing circles on Sirius’ wrist until the latter slid it down to hold it against his own. “Obviously you’re right.” Sirius played with his fingers, a tiny smile on his lips. “I really am just scared.”

For a moment Remus wondered if this was still normal— if friends usually held hands this way. He thought of James and Peter, and knew he would _never_ do this with any of them, but Remus shook these thoughts away. “I take it you’ve just been itching to talk about it for quite some time now.”

“I suppose so. James hasn’t been the most accommodating recently. You saw him.”

“Yeah. Pretty sure he’s about to ditch Peter in the kitchens to hang out with Lily. I expect him to return soon.”

“Oh he won’t.”

Remus furrowed his eyebrows at Sirius’ nonchalance. “Why do you say that?”

Sirius was suddenly avoiding eye contact. _Is he nervous?_

“Sirius?” There’s definitely something he wasn’t telling Remus.

Sirius’ head fell back as he deeply sighed. “I wanted to wait until after we’ve moved in but I don’t think I can anymore.” The hand holding Remus— which he’d forgotten were still together— tightened its grip for a second.

“What is it?” Sirius’ nerves were contagious. Remus felt his heartbeat speed up in anticipation. “Did I do something?”

Sirius shook his head. “Merlin, no.” 

“Well you certainly sound like you’re about to confront me about something.” Remus huffed a nervous chuckle.

Just then Sirius curled his lips. “Maybe I am.”

“What is going on?” Remus felt utterly nonplussed.

“Remus, come on.” Sirius met his gaze. “You can’t be this oblivious.” He raised their linked hands.

He blinked. “Do you not want to hold my hand?”

Sirius’ expression fell as he sighed deeply. “Remus, the reason I so badly wanted you to move in with us is not because I know James will move out someday— if anything, that's just the added bonus.” 

“Alright…” He said, urging him to continue.

Sirius only gave him an expectant look as if he should’ve already figured it out. His mind was still blank at Sirius’ anticipation that he burst out laughing despite himself.

“Remus…” Sirius joined him, but he was shaking his head. “Don’t tell me you often hold hands with other people?”

Remus’ laughter died down then.

_Oh._

He looked down at their locked fingers, and felt something click in his brain. “I guess I never really thought about it, but I’ve always wanted to. You know… this.”

Sirius was still gazing at him, a relaxed expression and a soft smile on his lips. “Yeah?” He tilted his head and cocked an eyebrow.

It was a new but familiar feeling. Remus felt himself recoil over that look on Sirius’ face. “Yeah.” he replied dumbly instead. It was true, this was uncharted territory. This closeness, the lingering touches… But at the same time it all felt natural— like how he hadn’t even noticed how long they held each other’s hand. Remus supposes it’s because he’s never allowed himself to assess it properly, highly doubtful of even just hints of its possibility… 

until this moment.

“How long?”

Remus met his eyes. “Long enough.”

"Agreed." Sirius rolled his eyes but grinned.

"I reckon James already knew about this?"

Sirius bit his lip. "Couldn't help it if I can't stop staring at you." He had the decency to look sheepish.

"Creep."

He watched Sirius’ smile grow and felt the darker-haired boy inch closer. “Can I kiss you?”

It was Sirius who asked, but it was Remus who closed the gap. Pressing a chaste kiss on his lips before leaning back, admiring the way Sirius flushed red.

Remus chuckled, looking back to the sky. “Everything’s going to change now, isn’t it…”

“I prefer to think of it as a new beginning. Don’t you agree?”

Remus squeezed his hand, “Yeah.” 

The war may be looming but having each other might just make it a little more worth surviving.

**Author's Note:**

> check out my other work in the series called [house of memories](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26661742) which can be a sequel to this story as they both fit in the same au :))
> 
> come say hi on [tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/aimitachibanana)
> 
> comments and kudos are appreciated <3


End file.
